please come you make the beer taste better
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
