shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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