I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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