Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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