from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
