my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
