He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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