Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Is Oprah even human
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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