I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
