Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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