if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
