I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
