i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
