More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
so much tequila, so little girl.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
