I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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