I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
