i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
