Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
