just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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