I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
