my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
