I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need to align my fucking chakras
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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