In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
