Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
