My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
