Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize