I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
