SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
