Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
