Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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