OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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