I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
