So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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