For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
