You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
