Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
