I love black thongs
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
