Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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