Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
