in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
