your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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