I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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