Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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