I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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