Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
