but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
