If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
