Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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