bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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