Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
