There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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