He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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