i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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