everyone is single if you try hard enough
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
